Feelings
by sheeptea
Summary: The intricacies of how to differentiate obsession, love, and simple teenage crushes


Warnings: slight gore, language, mentioned drug use

Disclaimer: not mine

Becoming a werewolf was probably the one thing anyone could least expect happening. Possibly barring becoming a vampire. In two weeks, only fourteen days, my entire world had changed. Being a werewolf wasn't a fashion. It wasn't like I had transformed from nerd to punk. It was a way of life. Like waking up in another country in someone else's body. I still couldn't believe the 6'3 totally ripped man in the mirror was my reflection. It was ridiculous. Even my social circle is different. I haven't even seen any of my friends since my first change, and Sam and Jared couldn't be described as replacements for them. They weren't friends, acquaintances, or even colleagues. They were brothers. Not chosen, but fated. A family that was about as dysfunctional as you could get. The only thing that was my anchor back to becoming a completely different person was my family. With Sam acting as a buffer, their over nurturing nature managed to turn into something supportive versus what used to be overwhelmingly stifling. And as I rode to school in the shotgun seat of Paul's truck, I came to realize how wonderful it was to have parents that wanted you to go to college. Because without them going and picking up all the missed work everyday I would be more screwed than anything imaginable.

There are three things I associate with home; a balmy temperature due to something constantly being in the oven, cream colored walls with faint grey mold climbing up from the corners due to it's proximity to the ocean, and the smell of tobacco due to my father's near constant smoking.

After turning over the French toast I was grilling and flipped open my beeping dinosaur of a phone to see that someone had left a message. I hit _1_ then _send_ and listened to Candice's high voice, "Hey Kim, just calling to say I'm heading over to your house, so see ya soon. Bye." Great forewarning, _as_ usual. Sighing, I cracked an extra egg in the bowl of dip and blended it in with a fork.

"Daniel!" I called loudly enough for my little brother to hear through the wall, "I've got French toast for you!" He appeared a minute later in blue boxers and a white T-shirt and groggily stumbled into a chair in front of our dining room table, content for me to serve him his food like a friggin' waiter. Despite the internal complaints I slid the plate in front of him before rushing over to my room to take a quick shower and get dressed before Candice got too impatient.

When I walked back in ten minutes later, Candice and my brother were lounging on the couch and guffawing over Tom and Jerry. I'd never appreciated that cartoon having never really been into pointless violence- especially when it's directed towards young children. Since they'd eaten all the French Toast I'd slaved over a hot stove making, I ended up eating a bowl of stale cereal. _De_lish. I grabbed my pair of worn converse and shoved Daniel over so there was enough room for me to sit and put on the shoes. He grinned and thanked me for the food in such a content voice that I didn't have the heart to whine. Candice's additional, 'yeah, thanks'- not so much. I hopped up and stretched, cracking my back a couple times. "Call if you need to," I reminded Daniel before slipping out the front door. Candice joined me a moment later and we began our walk in silence. That was the beauty of being friends with Candice; how she acted when we were alone.

A half mile down the dirt road we crossed paths with my jogging mother and she sent a tired smile and a wave in our direction, not bothering to stop and chat. Not that I really minded, it was just the principle of the thing. She worked six days a week, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the hospital in Port Angeles which meant she was at home from 7:30 p.m. to 5:30 a.m., leaving about one hour she spent not sleeping. On Sunday, her one day off, she went running, and then rode her bike down to the beach where she read crappy romance novels until the sun went down. If that doesn't' spell avoidance then I don't deserve my C- in English.

Candice's hand brushed mine and then pulled my larger palm into a loose grip that we maintained for the entire silent trip to the creek. "Is Tiger getting any better?" I asked, breaking the silence. Candice scratched her nose and slipped her feet out of her sandals, replying halfheartedly, "Meh. She hasn't peed on the couch in two days." Tiger-lily was Candice's mother's temperamental mutt that was believed to be a mix between a Chihuahua and a Saint Bernard, which seemed physically impossible to me, but that's beside the point. Candice's parents were rather whimsical hippies and randomly went on varying lengthed trips, leaving Candice to deal with the Saint Berhuahua from hell.

"That's an improvement," I consoled trying to be reassuring as I wiggled my toes in the icy water. We were perched on the only slightly muddy ledge of the small creek that trickled near our property, our spot since as long as I could remember.

After god knows how long of chilling in the cool water in silence and random easy conversation, we heard a long drawn out howl. At the same time we turned our heads slowly towards each other in a way that would have been comical had the wolf not sounded so close. Scrambling up, we sprinted back to the road in an unvoiced decision and fifteen minutes later we were huffing and puffing behind Candice's solid door. Tiger gave a half-assed bark/growl/moan and then placed its overly large head back on the couch, where it was lying in it's own pee. Lovely. "That was a little bit freaky," Candice commented, rubbing the goose bumps on her arms. "Just a little," I agreed, "How close do you think it was? It sounded like it was right in our ears."

"Yeah, I don't know. Pretty terrifying though."

"Mhmm. What do you say we hang out here for the rest of the day?"

"Sounds good, I'd rather not go meet the owner of those beautiful vocal chords." As if to add to the validity of her statement, there were two howls in unison. Tiger-lily whined a bit and moved under the table. Some vicious 90 lbs watch dog there.

Not feeling particularly inclined to walk back to my house in the dark, I called Daniel and told him that I'd be staying at Candice's for the night. I ended up falling asleep halfway into Balto, a fitting movie for our earlier escapades, and had the weirdest dream about a crazy person eating Balto. I woke up in a cold sweat at 6:30. Candice was still asleep so I helped myself to her clothes and shower before starting a batch of blueberry pancakes. The smell of the first drop of batter hitting the hissing pan roused Candice from her mini-coma and she joined me in the kitchen, blonde hair looking like a haystack after a tornado.

I ate as fast as humanly possible, then hightailed it back to my own house to brush my teeth and walk to school before 8:30. Daniel and I reached the rundown building at the same time Candice glided through on her mountain bike. The bell rang in perfect timing and we all split off to get educated. I found out in English that Jared was still absent and oddly felt myself missing the guy despite not even speaking one word to him when he was there.

It always bugged me when people go all self-hating and dissing their looks or personality, so the fact that I constantly degraded my ridiculous feelings for Jared effin' Olson was incredibly hypocritical. And hypocrisy bothers me more then low self esteem. And at that point, my thoughts start going in circles and circles and circles, until a basketball slams into my face. Owwie.

Today, as I waited for Daniel, I sat on my viola case with a tissue shoved up my nostrils and fingers pinching the bridge of my thankfully not broken nose. Although I'm not particularly appearance oriented, I would prefer to keep it straight. When Daniel saw the blood on my shirt he practically sprinted to my side. "Kim! Are you alright? What happened?" he asked frantically, "Who did this to you?" His hand moved to his temples and he winced in pain. I shot up and put my hand on his shoulder, "Daniel? Dan? Calm down, I'm fine, it was an accident in PE and my nose isn't even broken." Noel had been so apologetic that it made me sorry for being so spacey. "…Dan?" Daniel shook his head and smiled down at me, "Sorry, I got a bit of a headache. Does it still hurt?" "Not really," I lied, "Lets go though, I don't want to be late for my lesson."

School got out at 2:50 and my lesson started at 4:30, so it was always a bit tight to get back to my house and bike down to Forks to my teacher's home. Luckily it stayed light outside on the ride back despite being winter, dusk just beginning to set in as I wound up the forest-y path. Unluckily it had gotten extremely foggy. Not the 'oh poo its grey outside' fog, but the 'Dang nab it I was only bringing in the paper and now I'm soaking wet' fog.

As I bemoaned my soggy state I wasn't paying as much attention to the bumpy dirt road as I probably should have and hit an overgrown root that caused me to go flying into the underbrush. Now I could add a bloody elbow and forehead to my nose for injuries of the day, I thought as I tore out of the clinging bushes- some hair staying stubbornly on the branches. As I went to pick up my bike from where its wheels were still spinning I heard the sound of an animal running- like Tiger-lily's lazy gait, but 200 pounds heavier. And before I could even take in a breath a ginormous beast stood not twenty feet away from me- intelligent eyes staring me down with an expression that was decidedly human despite my inability to decipher it.

I stood stock still unable to think let alone more. Our eyes stayed locked for what seemed like days before the wolf's head suddenly twitched as if hearing a distant call. Spell broken I flung myself on to my bike and peddled away without one glance back- completely focused on speed and not falling again. I leapt off the bike while it was still in motion and sprinted up the patio, slamming the door shut behind me and peering out the window from a gap in the curtains.

"Kim?"

I twitched violently and spun around to see my mother, cordless phone clutched tightly in her hand, my Dad with an arm around her. Daniel ran into the kitchen a second later.

"Um… I think I saw a wolf."

Thanks for reading, please review!


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